So Cliche.

You know how some people say "It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all"? I don't think they've ever loved. It has been 4 months since my pregnancy ended and I can still cry about it like it happened yesterday. I'm fighting back tears and I have this lump in my throat that's the size of a jumbo jawbreaker. I cannot imagine what Khloe K is going through trying to have a baby in the spotlight. I know people care and are excited but I just feel like I'm going to explode from all the pressure from friends and family. I WANT TO HAVE A BABY TOO! If it were up to me I would be pregnant right now. I know people try to be comforting, but sometimes it feels like what they are saying is just rubbing salt in the wound, "everything happens for a reason","maybe it wasn't meant to be","it will happen when the time is right". God knew what he was doing when he put this in my life. It's not my fault, it's not God's fault, it was meant to be, God has a reason. When people say it wasn't God's timing it makes me so angry because it just doesn't register in my head why or how anyone thinks that things "just happen". God doesn't let a leaf fall from a tree if it's not His will. I didn't fall pregnant by accident, it was God's will. God put this experience in my life for a reason, and I know that, I just don't want to hear it from anyone else. Trust me, when God blesses us with a baby EVERYONE will know. Please be patient, I know I'm trying my hardest to be. Please continue to pray for us, for me.

Even though I never held you I think about you every single day. Mommy loves you Grayson.

Baby Grayson.

I'm usually a very private person, but God has put it in my heart to share with you all what's been going on in my life. On October 10th I found out we were expecting our first child due on June 22,2012. Last week I started experiencing some complications. I woke up around 6 am on Saturday because I had a dream. I dreamt we were in the hospital and they were bringing the baby into the room. We had a boy and named him Grayson, which was weird because we had planned to name our first boy Connor. He was beautiful. He had light brown hair and baby blue eyes. I couldn't go back to sleep because I couldn't shake the feeling that the baby was gone, I felt empty inside. I wanted to tell Samuel but I didn't want to scare him so I only shared the dream. On Monday we learned that we had lost our baby two weeks ago at 8 weeks and 3 days, he looked perfect but he had no heartbeat. I know it was God that sent me that dream Saturday to allow me to see my baby and I can't thank him enough for that opportunity. Even though God had prepared me for Monday through my premonition and the dream provided closure and peace in my heart, it is still the most emotionally painful experience I have ever endured. I have to tell you, that I still can't say it enough, God is so so so good. I am so blessed to have such a great doctor, supportive family and friends, we have a nice home, food in the pantry, brand new cars, amazing jobs. God is good!!! I can't even imagine what it was like for Job back in the Old Testament, through no fault of his own Job lost his family, wealth, and his health. Sometimes things happen for reasons we can't explain and it doesn't mean than God is unjust or that we are being punished. God has a much greater plan than small picture we are able to see. We are each one stroke in the masterpiece that He has created and if my suffering can be used for God's glory, then I am honored to be a part of the bigger picture. We thank you all for your loving thoughts and prayers. It's still rough but we are getting though it by the grace of God. When I get discouraged I read Psalms 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. That verse reminds me to continue blessing God even through the storm. I hope I reached someone out there. Talk to you soon friends! :)

One year later...

Sunday will be our one year anniversary and boy how things have changed! I have a full-time job, we have our first furry 2lb child (Liberty) haha, Samuel is a Sergeant, and I don't absolutely hate it here. Yes, you heard correctly, I don't hate it here...anymore. I still miss being at home in Houston, but home is where the heart is (and where the military sends you) and my heart is here, with this blue eyed,blonde headed man. My birthday was yesterday and I have been blessed with another year of life, thanks to God! It was my first birthday away from my parents so it was a little weird, but it was special because it was my first with just Samuel!

He got me this...

and my very sweet coworker Tommy got me this mini cake...so cute! :)



We will be home for a few days soon so I'm pretty excited about that, can't wait to see friends and family, go shopping at the Galleria and go to the beach!! Talk to y'all soon!

Busy Bee.

So, its been 15 days since my last post. I'm two weeks into my training at work, which I absolutely love!!! I love love love working the ER! Anyhoo, they're putting me on the floor by myself this weekend and I'm so nervous!! Pray for me y'all! I want to be a blessing to everyone I interact with at work. Ummm, we went to Houston this past weekend to pick up Samuel's dog Alan from the airport, they were both so happy to see each other. I'm so glad we were able to go before my new job started. I have no idea when I'll be able to make it to Houston again, I'm gonna miss my weekends LOL but it will be all worth it in the near future :) Our plans are falling perfectly into place, only a couple of things off our checklist and we'll have everything right where we want it. We are truly blessed and I'm so thankful to have such loving friends and family. We love you all very much!

Yes, I'm still alive!

I know I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve been so so so busy! I started school and have been doing so amazing! Plus I got a job at a hospital here in SA!! It is perfect for me and exactly what God wanted, patience sure does pay off! Let me tell you why its perfect for me, It doesnt affect school whatsoever, and I still get to spend plenty of time with my wonderful husband, I’m so excited for our plans this year! God is sending us so many blessings and I can truly see that our plans are His plans for us, we haven’t hit a brick wall yet. I love our church and can’t wait to be members of it soon, the people there are so friendly and I can feel God’s presence every time I walk in. This past weekend we went to a marriage seminar with Mark Gungor, he wrote a book called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" he is hilarious! Samuel and I had so much fun both nights and learned a lot about each other. Then Saturday afternoon we had a BBQ by the pool with a few friends. Now that I have friends here, I don't feel so miserable, I feel kind of at home, Kind of! LOL I promise I will write more often! Love you all! :)

Coincidence? I think not!

This new year has been great so far! I'm already receiving blessings! God is so good, Amen? I've been working for a staffing agency since October. It's not everyday work, just a couple of jobs every now and then, perfect for me. I got called in for a four day job in November which I went to, did my work, end of story. Now let me start off by telling you, ever since I was little my mom taught me to never believe in coincidences. Let me say that again, Nothing that happens in our lives out of luck or coincidence, things come from God. Fast forward to January, they requested me to come in again for the same job. This time I made friends with a lady who shared her testimony with me. She is a very sweet lady with a rock solid faith in God. I mentioned to her that Sam and I were looking for a church to attend. She told me about her church, it's an Assembly of God church, AWESOME!!! I grew up at a Church of God church, they are practically the same. I absolutely believe that God sent me to that job again to direct me to the Westover Hills AG. I am beyond excited! Every time I think I know God, he smacks me in the face with another surprise! God is so great, I can't stress that enough! When I was talking to this lady and I told her my testimony, she said she believes my personal gift from God is a gift of blessings and looking back at my life and the blogs that I've posted I can agree that God has blessed me with the gift of blessings. I can't wait to become a member and start doing God's work. What have you done for God lately?

Hello 2011

My first post of 2011, I'm so excited to see what God has in store for my family in this new decade. What an exciting year 2010 turned out to be huh? I have been so blessed with new friends, new family and a new home. Any who, so much happened during the holidays that I don't want to bore you with the details so I'll just share pics :)

Festival of Lights at Moody Gardens

Christmas at Grandma's

New Year's Eve Fun!

Didn't quite like the sparkler

Boys being boys...

The Grand Finale!

Rainforest Cafe with all 7 Girls!!!

Libs and her beanie/sock!

I'm so excited for school to start, my New Year's Resolution is to make straight A's! I know it's a big one, but aren't you supposed to aim high? In other news, Samuel is now a Sergeant!!!! That's 3 CHEVRONS! E-5! FINALLY! I am so super duper proud of him! He has worked so hard for this and it's been pretty much the only thing on his mind for 2 years! I'm so proud of you baby doll! Well I'm out of here. Here's to hoping your New Year is everything you want it to be.

For 2011, keep in mind: This is your life, are you who you want to be?