So Cliche.

You know how some people say "It's better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all"? I don't think they've ever loved. It has been 4 months since my pregnancy ended and I can still cry about it like it happened yesterday. I'm fighting back tears and I have this lump in my throat that's the size of a jumbo jawbreaker. I cannot imagine what Khloe K is going through trying to have a baby in the spotlight. I know people care and are excited but I just feel like I'm going to explode from all the pressure from friends and family. I WANT TO HAVE A BABY TOO! If it were up to me I would be pregnant right now. I know people try to be comforting, but sometimes it feels like what they are saying is just rubbing salt in the wound, "everything happens for a reason","maybe it wasn't meant to be","it will happen when the time is right". God knew what he was doing when he put this in my life. It's not my fault, it's not God's fault, it was meant to be, God has a reason. When people say it wasn't God's timing it makes me so angry because it just doesn't register in my head why or how anyone thinks that things "just happen". God doesn't let a leaf fall from a tree if it's not His will. I didn't fall pregnant by accident, it was God's will. God put this experience in my life for a reason, and I know that, I just don't want to hear it from anyone else. Trust me, when God blesses us with a baby EVERYONE will know. Please be patient, I know I'm trying my hardest to be. Please continue to pray for us, for me.

Even though I never held you I think about you every single day. Mommy loves you Grayson.